As a child we love like a child.
A child’s love only knows how to recieve.
Even when we think a child is giving love
they are merely mimicking what they see
When we find our mate
We learn about giving love.
We learn to give in reciprocity
We love because we are being loved.
In our children we find something inside
Our hearts expand infinitely
We give without condition
Some call it unconditional love
The college campus was still and serene this time of year. It was the end of summer and before the fall semester. The campus streets were lined up and down with trees that were changing into their autumn dressing. The sun would peak through the tops of the trees like stained glass windows, with shades of reds, greens and yellows. It was time for us, Ethan and I. I would strap him up in my bike and take him for a ride around campus. No matter what kind of disagreeable mood Ethan was in, he’d always agree to a bike ride. He would have been 1 1/2 at the time. He would ride with a big fat grin on his face saying “faster, faster”. And sometimes he would just be silent. I would look back and see his silent and thoughtful face under the flame decaled black helmet. Several turns, several trips down the boulevard under the canopy of trees, I’d look back and his eyelids were starting to fall. He was about to crash. This is when I decide to head back home. Half way there I look back and his little head is bobbing with the bumps in the road and the weight of the helmet. He was now riding his bike in dreamland. Once we get to the front of our apartment, I have to gently rest my bike on the wall and take him out of his bike seat and take off his helmet. I pick him up and put him in his bed for his afternoon nap.
I feel like time is going by to fast. I try to permanently stamp moments in my life into my memory. But I always fail. I try to recall what I deliberately tried to remember and I always forget. So these memories that I can recall will be the pearls of my past. I will always visit them. Always more sentimental than it was but never as sweet when it happened.
I can only imagine my greatest gift in life has been Jena. I don’t know what I did to deserve such a glorious compliment. My only response could be; all the mornings and nights I prayed for a wife. God only knew how desperately and necessary I needed this precious being and angel. I am the sail on a boat being thrashed around by the wind and currents and she is the rutter that always keeps me on course.
“It’s a mistake”, “If it was God’s will, why is everyone so against it?”, “You are being foolish and immature” Is what they told us when we first began. It was so difficult for us to understand the irrational and negative response. It left us cold and bitter towards the church for a long time.
Time has past, wounds have healed but only to leave lasting scars. Even when our family and friends forsaked us, we remained in our Father’s blessing. I can only believe this to be true after seeing our beautiful little ones. They run around with their innocent naivities left untouched by life’s hardships. They are us and we want to protect them from all the things that have scarred us. They are the fruits of our hardships. They are the blessings that count towards the past, present and future. The fruits of our life are few but their value is immessurable. If I can take a line from a movie “I see God when I look in their faces.” God has been forever graceful and I remain forever grateful.
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This is the night a couple of the guys came up to Davis to celebrate our graduation. Ed is talking. Richie is behind the camera. And off camera is Jeff to the right and Dave to the left counting poker chips.
The Beach Fun Chow reference is from our Highschool days. We used to go to school with this chinese guy who would always be wearing a matching outfit. So I said one time, “Dude, you’re like a Barbie. You know how there is Malibu Barbie and Beach Fun Barbie? You’re Beach Fun Chow.”
Ethan had been acting out this past week after he had been so sweet for a week. He’d give me a hug and say “I love you” out of the blue. Then all of a sudden he was trying our patience. Crying, whining and acting out. I knew he was frustrated about something but I didn’t know what it was. He kept on saying “it’s not fair”. I asked him “what’s not fair?” But I guess at his age it’s a little too much to expect him to know why he feels things are unfair. Then I realized something yesterday. I began to assume that Ethan was learning this misbehaviour from his sister, Mikala. Then I began to realize something further when Mikala pouts and does her tantrum we do not scold her or repremand her. We just think it’s funny, hold her and pick her up. But when Ethan tantrums we scold him. Aha! So that’s what was unfair!
Here’s the thing. Ethan and Mikala’s personalities are just completely different. Ethan when he was a baby only cried when it was something important. Mikala cries about everything. She’s a very happy and joyful kid. Just when she doesn’t get her way she throws a tantrum. So I just laugh and smile because she does it all the time. I just think its funny because she’s so over-the-top dramatic. She rolls on the ground, throws her head back and starts screaming. Thinking about it now, I guess that sort of thing is only funny to the parents. We call her “Drama Queen”.
Ethan was so good when it came to not throwing tantrums. He never threw tantrums. When we would say “no” that was it. When we had to go that was it. When he got a little older we could reason with him. “no more candy because it will make your teeth rot” he would say “make your teeth rot?” and that would be the end of it. When we tell Mikala “no” it’s time for her to bring out the dramatics. I realize now, I gotta raise this little girl well or she is just going to wrap some poor guy around her little finger. Poor guy!
Do you know what scares me? Not sharks. Not bears. Not psychos with hockey masks on. Attention all men. The scariest thing in the world you can ever encounter is……..your daughter! You want to talk about intimidation factor? Off the charts. I ask Mikala for a Kiss “no!” I ask mikala for a hug “no!” I ask her for a little suga’ “no!” And then out of no where she will give me a kiss, a hug and some suga’. Is this where girls learn their, let’s say, girlish behavior? I can just imagine 15 years from now “Can you buy me a car, daddy? My sweet sixteen is coming up” “Are you kidding me? That boy has nipple piercings!” Mixed in with moments when I look at my 16 year old daughter and I will see my little baby girl. When the only way I could get a hug and kiss was to steal it from her. Is it too early to reminisce? I look at her and love her so dearly. She’ll be sour and then she’ll be sweet. She’s going to break my heart. I just know it. I tell Jena she has to protect me. Look! Isn’t she the most intimidating thing you’ve ever seen?!
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