As a child we love like a child.
A child’s love only knows how to recieve.
Even when we think a child is giving love
they are merely mimicking what they see
When we find our mate
We learn about giving love.
We learn to give in reciprocity
We love because we are being loved.
In our children we find something inside
Our hearts expand infinitely
We give without condition
Some call it unconditional love
The college campus was still and serene this time of year. It was the end of summer and before the fall semester. The campus streets were lined up and down with trees that were changing into their autumn dressing. The sun would peak through the tops of the trees like stained glass windows, with shades of reds, greens and yellows. It was time for us, Ethan and I. I would strap him up in my bike and take him for a ride around campus. No matter what kind of disagreeable mood Ethan was in, he’d always agree to a bike ride. He would have been 1 1/2 at the time. He would ride with a big fat grin on his face saying “faster, faster”. And sometimes he would just be silent. I would look back and see his silent and thoughtful face under the flame decaled black helmet. Several turns, several trips down the boulevard under the canopy of trees, I’d look back and his eyelids were starting to fall. He was about to crash. This is when I decide to head back home. Half way there I look back and his little head is bobbing with the bumps in the road and the weight of the helmet. He was now riding his bike in dreamland. Once we get to the front of our apartment, I have to gently rest my bike on the wall and take him out of his bike seat and take off his helmet. I pick him up and put him in his bed for his afternoon nap.
I feel like time is going by to fast. I try to permanently stamp moments in my life into my memory. But I always fail. I try to recall what I deliberately tried to remember and I always forget. So these memories that I can recall will be the pearls of my past. I will always visit them. Always more sentimental than it was but never as sweet when it happened.
I can only imagine my greatest gift in life has been Jena. I don’t know what I did to deserve such a glorious compliment. My only response could be; all the mornings and nights I prayed for a wife. God only knew how desperately and necessary I needed this precious being and angel. I am the sail on a boat being thrashed around by the wind and currents and she is the rutter that always keeps me on course.
“It’s a mistake”, “If it was God’s will, why is everyone so against it?”, “You are being foolish and immature” Is what they told us when we first began. It was so difficult for us to understand the irrational and negative response. It left us cold and bitter towards the church for a long time.
Time has past, wounds have healed but only to leave lasting scars. Even when our family and friends forsaked us, we remained in our Father’s blessing. I can only believe this to be true after seeing our beautiful little ones. They run around with their innocent naivities left untouched by life’s hardships. They are us and we want to protect them from all the things that have scarred us. They are the fruits of our hardships. They are the blessings that count towards the past, present and future. The fruits of our life are few but their value is immessurable. If I can take a line from a movie “I see God when I look in their faces.” God has been forever graceful and I remain forever grateful.
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